Today started like any other day, guarding our field. I could see Yolanda’s father in the next field across the road and, trying to make a good impression, I raised my arm to him in greeting. It was very quiet, as usual, until I noticed a stranger leaving the city. He was dressed all in green but didn’t look like anyone I knew.
As this stranger crossed the meadow, whistling a catchy tune—the kind that gets into your grain and stays there—a couple of very large birds swooped at him from out of nowhere. He pulled out a long, shiny sword and quickly killed them both, finishing them off with an impressive flourish.
I admit, this almost scared the sawdust out of me. I’ve never seen anything like this before and I didn’t know whether to run for the city or hide. There wasn’t time to run so I just kept lying there, watching this stranger as he wandered around the meadow. Once he stopped to pick up a bug, looked at it, and let it go. Then he came to a long patch of grass and he took his sword and, with a sweeping gesture, cut it all down. There, in the cut area, was a green jewel! Splinters! I didn’t know there was jewels hiding in our field.
He finally wandered close enough to me that I thought I should stand up and introduce myself. The stranger, whose name is Link, said he was on a quest to save the people of Hyrule from the Twilight, a spreading darkness full of evil creatures. He told me about some of his adventures so far and it gave me shivers, like someone was rubbing my skin with sandpaper.
“That sounds very dangerous,” I said.
“It IS dangerous,” he told me, “but I’m very good with a sword and I’ve made friends everywhere I go.”
“I bet some of those friends are girls,” I said, thinking this would be a good way to impress Yolanda.
“Oh, yeah. The girls fall all over a heroic adventurer. It’s a perk.”
“So how do you become a heroic adventurer?”
“First,” he said, “you need a really cool outfit.” I thought I could manage that with the help of my mom.
“Then you need a theme song. Something catchy that sounds like you’re off on a heroic quest.” Well, I make up lots of songs while I’m lying around the field so I guess I could think of something that sounds heroic and adventuresome.
“Finally, you need to learn to use a sword so you can kill evil creatures.”
“Wait! My people don’t kill,” I told him honestly. “We don’t like direct confrontation. When we have a dispute, we just outnumber the other guy to win. I don’t think I could kill anything. Is there something else I could do instead?”
“No. You definitely have to kill the bad guys if you’re a heroic adventurer.”
I was totally bummed. I guess I’ll have to come up with some other idea to impress Yolanda. I’ve heard that humor is a good way to win a woman’s heart. Maybe I’ll tell Yolanda all the funny answers I’ve thought of for “Why did the meeple cross the road?”